What to Do If a Beloved Senior is Mourning the Loss of Their Spouse
Losing a spouse is always a devastating experience, but it’s especially difficult for seniors. The companion they’ve had for so long is suddenly gone. Overcome with grief, they will need your help with attending to the immediate responsibilities and they’ll need a shoulder to lean on. So here are some tips from Where You Are Counseling to help you aid them in their grief.
Making Final Arrangements
It’s important to help any way you can, but don’t get lost in the chaos and try to do everything yourself. Sit down with your loved one and make a checklist of all the things that need to be done, and the order in which they need to be completed.
If the deceased left instructions for funeral arrangements, try your best to follow them, adjusting for any last wishes. If they didn’t leave any instructions, bring key family members together to help guide the decisions that need to be made, keeping in mind what the deceased would have wanted as well as what the surviving spouse can afford.
You can contact the funeral home to help with transporting the remains and an attorney to settle the will. The proper authorities will also need to be notified of the death. Be careful to help the surviving spouse attend to any outstanding bills left by the deceased. Also, bank accounts will need to be closed. Also close other accounts and memberships, as well as canceling the deceased’s driver's license to help prevent identity theft.
A certificate of death will be needed to carry out most of these tasks, and the funeral home will help set this in motion. If the deceased had any health or life insurance or employee benefits, take the time to go through the policies with the surviving spouse so they know what’s available to them.
Now is also an important time to gather any necessary paperwork required if your loved one will need to sell their home. While making that sort of decision shouldn’t be taken lightly, having the documents in a safe place will make the process much easier down the road.
Spreading the Word
Help take on some of the responsibility of letting family members and friends know of the death, as this can be a particularly hard thing for your senior to have to do over and over again.
The funeral home will help put the obituary in the paper so that word reaches the community.
If the deceased was still employed or belonged to any organizations, make sure they are contacted as well.
A New Lifestyle
According to Money Crashers, the death of a spouse for a senior is especially devastating because typically they’ve been relying on one another and can’t maintain their independence alone. Now that their partner and life companion has passed, it’s necessary to discuss future living arrangements. If living alone is still conceivable, you may need to make some modifications in the home such as adding railings or ramps, as well as grab bars in the bathroom.
If they divided up chores like yard work, cooking and bills, you may need to walk through these tasks with them so they can keep up with their responsibilities or determine what can be outsourced. It’s also a good general idea to make the senior’s new living situation as positive as possible, whether they’re now living alone or with someone else, so that they won’t get lost in negativity and self-criticism.
The Nursing Home Option
A new lifestyle may involve the need to move into an assisted living or a skilled nursing facility. This is usually the best option when they’re no longer able to handle basic, daily tasks like staying on top of dishwashing, cleaning and laundry. While they may be against it at first, overall, the relief that comes with the removal of certain responsibilities could add to their quality of life. Before choosing a senior living facility, familiarize yourself with pricing info, payment options, detailed facility reports, and reviews from other families.
Special Circumstances
If your loved one has Alzheimer’s Disease or dementia, they’re not only losing a spouse but a caregiver as well. “Before you can help a person with Alzheimer’s cope with the loss of a loved one, it’s important to understand how the grieving process works and the various stages of grief individuals typically experience.”
You will repeatedly have to deliver devastating news, so don’t be afraid to ask for help and come up with a plan of action that involves their nursing home or another caregiver. It won’t help to prolong discussing the loss of their spouse, as they may become nervous if they sense something is wrong. However, don’t share too many details. Keep it short and to the point, as this will make it easier for them to digest. You should also remember to refer to the deceased in the past tense so this becomes the new reality and follow their cues on determining when to talk about their spouse.
When it is time for the funeral, place someone in charge of your loved one so if they become too upset and confused they can quietly take their leave. In the days ahead, look for an experienced caregiver, as this will help make the transition go smoother.
Remember that, as the American Hospice Foundation points out, everyone grieves differently and there is no timeline. Losing a spouse can cause people to become forgetful, unorganized, show a lack of interest, a loss of appetite, and get little sleep. Be sure to look after your loved one’s physical as well as emotional needs. Make sure his or her doctor knows about their loss and can monitor their health.
When you can, get your loved one out of the house from time to time, and offer to connect them with a support group or church so they don’t feel so alone. You may also opt to move your loved one into a nursing home. This will be a difficult process for everyone, but by providing whatever support you can, you can get through this together.
Where You Are Counseling understands that everyone goes through periods of sadness and frustration. You can overcome anything, especially with help. It's a big step just getting started. Contact us for a free consultation.
Written by guest blogger Robert Schmitt September 2022